Am I the only one who had anger for breakfast this morning?
I hate everything. The loathing is seeping from my very pores, it clouds my thoughts, makes the air thick and heavy. Do I actually hate everyone and everything? My tiny heart says “YES!”, but my brain offers me an out. “You are not the worst person in the world, the INTERNET is.” It doesn’t matter the internet isn’t a person. They’re a complete asshole. They ruin my day. Everyday. It’s full of monsters almost as mean as me. Something has to be done. As the best and most humble troll, I feel I must take on the internet and put it right in the trashcan, where it belongs.
***Do you have very few friends? When you are forced to look at your phone and see all the notifications you didn't ask for, do you shake your head in disgust? Does your family still make you sit at the kids table even though you're 40? You might be a troll too. Join me in my fight against the internet via internet.***
My goal is to correct problematic internet culture by being the problem. Positive change always starts with troublemakers. Let’s figure this out, jerks. I will document my plans and progress here. I will also document petty grievances and discontent with my daily activities.
larrythetroll@youshouldhateme.com
Why do you do this? Why should I do this?
I’m not a nice person. Not in my very soul.
You know how some people have tough exteriors, but when you get to know them they’re enjoyable and fun? The opposite is true for me. It’s not terrible. I’m great at parties. Center of attention within minutes, everyone love/hates me, the jealousy is palpable. I am incredibly good-looking, but that is not my advantage. I’m fun on the outside; tiny, ashen heart on the inside.
My confidence is devastating. I’m so delusional about how wonderful I am that I’ve convinced you and you don’t even knwo me.
I’m a wolf in wolf’s clothing.
You know I’m mean. If we’re even having any kind of conversation I’ve already been rude at least twice. God help anyone feeling tall and wanting to put me in check. Those are my favorites. That’s right, I’m sporting and shit.
Being confrontational turns me on. Bad news though. You can’t be an asshole to everyone in your actual life. I mean, hopefully you like those people and want to keep them. If not, I guess you can be mean. I don’t know. Back to me. I can’t do that. I like my people. I even love some of them.
Still, my default mode is aggression. Hate is roaring in my brain. Witty comments that would make you cry just pacing around erratically. Bursting with excitement and seeking a dramatic exit. I’m in therapy. I’ve been in therapy. For decades! This is my nature; it will not change. It must be redirected.
Bottling up rage is unhealthy. I’m pretty sure that’s fucking science. Pouring it into the internet is cathartic. You can be anyone, you can say almost anything. It’s the moral grey area humans have awaited since time began. People have the choice to close their computers, block you, put you on ignore. If they’ve taken safeguards GAME OVER. You can’t cross that line. There are so many others willing and ready to take the bait. And fast.
Being the moraI grey zone and not the trashcan (yet), there are rules. I want to ruin someone’s day, not their life.
How I’ve justified my work is receipts. They are required. Tell me who hurt you and bring evidence. There are no excuses. We all know how to take screenshots, guys. The punishment will fit the crime. They’ll always have the option to ignore you. But they’re fucking with you, so they came to play and they will stay. Even to their own detriment.
They make it easy to feel like a folk hero and not a total jerk.
So yeah, do it for the people.
It’s super admirable.
Who deserves this?
Everyone. We are all just the worst.
Pick your battles and win them. This is trolling, okay? It’s art. Have some goddamn pride.
Truly deserving is in the eye of the beholder. That’s up to you. You get to decide where in the moral grey zone you live. I like to think I’m fair. Easy people aren’t a flex. It’s not flattering even by troll standards. Challenge yourself. Anyone warranting this kind of action may not be the idiot they’re presenting as.
The internet has become communities. I don’t prefer our social media giants. People’s very faces are connected to those accounts. That said, I’ll say this, the largest of the “anonymous” platforms is so far in the abyss I won’t even reach. There’s no fun trolling among almost exclusively trolls.
Personal beefs are where you’ll find the most satisfaction and a true outlet for your corrupt spirit. Anonymous User VS. Anonymous User. It’s an even playing field and those accounts deserve it.
Is it crazy people stuff though?
Yes.
Yes it is.
I’ve confessed to being a monster, of course I’m diagnosed.
youshouldhateme 